Just in case anyone has wondered why i fell off the face of xanga... i went to myspace...

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My whole life, I have grown up knowing nothing but the truth presented to me by the church and now I don’t know what truth is other than that I was created by God, redeemed by Jesus Christ, and empowered by the Holy Spirit. The rest has become a jumbled mess of confusion. I can’t understand these things and have come to question everything in the church that does not match the one Christ desired, set into motion, and laid out in the truth and hope given to us in his word. I am tired and confused. I’, tired of being judged by Christians for questioning the things in the church that are not established in the whole truth of God’s word. I receive peace even now as I write this, no answer, just peace mixed with a joy without reason. I’m not afraid of being wrong and standing corrected; of being humbled. But I will not be swayed by anything less than God’s truth; the discernment of which I leave in the hands of the Holy Spirit. Pray for me, that the lies of the enemy will be exposed by the light of God’s truth. I desire no amazing power or gift… all I want is to just know for certain what is truth. I am frail. I am tired. I am confused. I’ve poured my heart out to Him, I’ve fallen, I’ve shattered on the floor, and he has built me back up… stronger in Him then before. I’ve prayed for healing, but He has withheld it for some purpose. I understand His will is perfect, but it hurts when he doesn’t answer… it tears at me… why? I don’t understand. I want to live as a faithful servant, but I am torn in 2 directions, what has passed through the generations as truth and what my heart tells me to be truth.

Do I continue in the ways of tradition until the truth is seen clearly? Or do I trust the beatings of my heart that are in sync with the truth of His word? My brothers and sisters, pray for me. Respond if the Holy Spirit presses on your heart to do so, so that His words may be spoken.

Searching the heart of God,
Brian

Currently Listening Reset By Mute Math see related

I was long overdue for a new profile pic... and I hadn't posted in forever... 2 birds with one stone!

- Brian

Currently Listening Never Take Friendship Personal By Anberlin see related

I wrote this awhile back while I was sitting in church one sunday and I found the paper I wrote it on sitting in my bible today...

Those who submit themselves to God and His good judgement WILL be disciplined... but if they reject His judgement of their actions for the purpose of correction, then they are thrown from His presence as a rebellious child saying, "Fine, I will no longer correct your folly, but I am casting you into the world and their judgement; they will tear you limb from limb with no interest in your improvement or well being... only with your destruction and pain in mind. You no longer want my guidance, sure, because I love you I will let you have what you want... but the world is not merciful as I am." God pushes us toward righteousness through His discipline; but the world's discipline would do so in order to drive you to destruction. You ARE being driven in one of the two directions... therefore submit yourself to God, who is merciful and just. Trust in Him and He will make your paths straight...

Currently Listening The Art of Breaking By Thousand Foot Krutch see related

"This is what the LORD says:

'Heaven is my throne, and earth is my foot stool. Could you ever build me a temple as good as that? Could you build a dwelling place for me? My hands have made both heaven and earth, and they are mine. I, the LORD, have spoken!

'I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts, who tremble at my word. But those who choose their own ways, delighting in their sins, are cursed. Their offerings will not be accepted. When such people sacrifice and ox, it is no more acceptable than a human sacrifice. When they sacrifice a lamb of bring an offering of grain, it is as bad as putting a dog or the blood of a pig on the alter! When they burn incense, it is as if they had blessed an idol. I will send great troubles against them -- all the things they feared. For when I called they did not answer. When I spoke, they did not listen. They deliberately sinned -- before my very eyes -- and chose to do what they know I despise.'" - Isaiah 66:1-4

Worship is more than the sacrifice of a moment or time... but one of your very life. This passage speaks of events yet to come. It concerns us now. God speaks for himself here...